NOTHING has ever felt RIGHT or OKAY since joey left

and this is FOREVER

no normal sleepy happening. so bored. feel ill. iller than before. i wish i could puke just so i'd have something to do and tire out. i wish people wouldn't text or call my phone when i'm trying to pass out in the black. sleepyroads ruin easy. i can be certain if someone was in my bed with me i wouldn't let them sleep either. screw it. i'm gonna play final fantasy ix at 2:15am

my dad...

no matter how many times i tell him, he's still convinced i live with guys and only play music with guys. every time: "how's the boys in the band?" (after having enough of explaining) "they're okay".

phonecall today:

dad: how's that new boy that moved in? has he moved in yet?

me: yeah she's in. it's all cool.

dad: is he a musician too?

me: yeah, she plays keyboards.

dad: keyboards eh. oh is he in the band?

me: no she has her own band.

dad: whats his name then?

me: her name's yoshino. she's japanese.

dad: japanese keyboard? what a yamaha?

me: no. SHE'S japanese.

dad: japanese music?

me: no. SHE'S japanese!

dad: oh he's japanese is he?

ugh.

another wrong road

cotton to eyes
regret from ears
shadow to mouth

i will never return
i don't wish to ever try again

october 31st = me one year clean
to say sober would be a false claim
perhaps a year without boozing and smoking would be something more to be proud of.
the frusciante challenge: try a year without toxics. see if you feel better.
heh. 'a fall thru the ground' just got skipped "understand me" three times repeat.
SOMETHINGS are just coincidence.

thinking of death all the time
not always morbidly.
i want to go when things feel complete.
no overhang.
halloween would be a nice, fitting date to go.
how many years will it take to be ready?

remove all negativity.

doing things i know will hold nothing
wasting time, wasting money, wasting a day
there's a lot more evil in this world than we care to notice

i can admit to being an ass without taking pride
or taking advantage of others

i have been far too passive

oh emma stone from zombieland

i would like to buy you cookies
and stare at you shyly

i bet you date jerks