i admit this mostly to myself but also so you don't think i'm too dumb to not realise this:
i always do the worst for myself.
i don't know why. i can lay it all out right in front of me. i can stare at it for days. i can burn all the right choices deep and hard onto my flesh. yet i still choose the other. i'm not scared of being happy or stable or even a vague definition of "successful", and i know i am capable of these things. so why the fuck??
the regrets for things i HAVE done far outweigh the regrets for things i haven't. why is this supposed to be better?
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