i want to hide away until my skin becomes so pale it NEEDS blood splatters just to not be transparent and when i come back i'll torture you until you learn how to cry out mercy in russian. this isnt directed at anyone who actually exists. so.. sorry if its yr kinda thing.

vacation: a bourgeois term that is really just a polite way of saying..."i am making a futile attempt at trying to kid myself that my way of life isn't soul sucking and completely meaningless in the long run." but man, i want one. not to get away from anyone, just for the difference.

secret obsession: if i see an exit sign all i can think about is following it.

"yr mind will answer most questions if you learn to relax and wait for the answer." - william s. burroughs [all junkys are liars]

oh dear, the kittens have been fucking again. better get the old pet abortion kits out the cupboard.

ypou will never know
how jealous you make me feel
and that its a really good thing

LOOK!" i'm typnig faster than i cna really mange

cute super fun animal fact #1: all polar bears are capricorns, because they are all born in late december or early january.

i doubt my father ever made my mother cum. that would explain a lot. question: do guys who can't make women cum feel anger towards women or just other guys?

things no amount of time seem to ever heal:
- betrayal
- drug cravings
- mourning lost friends
- parental rejection
- nonsensical saddness
- missing you

cute super fun animal fact #2: hummingbirds and ufos are the only birds that can fly backwards.

sometimes life gives me the biggest catgrin ever. othertimes it feels like i'm having my face gutted out from the back of my neck. mostly it's a mixture of the two each day. the rope only stretches so far. my time always seems more about preparing for my death journey than my life journey.

old memory revisioned: fight with sickness or surrender with sleep?
i remember waiting with you. i knew what you'd bring me as i sat watching you turn into that black leech swimming within. i was in control of you taking over me. and i made a quick choice - the time caused trouble - to excerise, not excorise. the moment was as i built it, switching off the giveafuck machine and listening to the slither of rolledback eyes sinking to relief. with the wakeup came the mocking of old chants i used to hear, only modernised for our new times. now its over with. but i still fucked up. drugs are fun til you rely on em.

nows probably no good a time to message anyone.damn. sorry. await the speech at yr post-apocalyptic wedding. t'll be grande n bittered, but full of love. tho only for you.