sooo....

is it too soon to have "sexual thought" about brittany murphy?

holy sun, does being back in london suck the big sun. avoiding the family. haven't made eye contact with anyone for 27 hours now. haven't even seen my sister yet. sat/sleep/fake-sleep in my tiny room until everyone goes to bed and then i can finally raid for foods. they live by freezer food and cans. i couldn't even find a pot to make the beans so i had to microwave them. i forgot how horrid they are in comparision. and these are HEINZ. living off flat-strongbow (how long has this been here??) and vodka. i miss whiskey. i miss a lot of things. was watching "the fox and the hound" this morning (my fav kids movie) and passed out just as copper was being taken away from todd. i didn't even dream. just felt a sad lostness in exhausted sleep. woke up and had to open my windows and put the fan on. this family is crazy with the hausheating!

so, i don't know what to do with these next few days. can't wait til that money comes thru (the 29th?!), then i can actually DO something... like, come home! i'm supposed to see several people while i'm here but i don't have enough for a travel card. guess i'll have to ask daddy for some money - something i'm avoiding doing as he was actually being nice to me when i arrived, tho lots of awkward long silences between us - don't wanna kick things off. plus i'm very very wary of these hourly cravings.

a few days ago i was looking over my calendar (recently found) and discovered my last day of heroin was feb 25th. i remember that day very unfondly. that gutboiling hate and disappointment in myself for missing charlie's set. the guilt and blame people put on me for waiting around for me and nick whilst we were stabbing at our veins with bloated heads totally unaware of time or distance. "you could've just left without me". hmm, something i hear back a lot!

i'm rashoning out the cigrots as i only has few rizlas left and no money for more. suppose thats a good thing. i need to pee...

storytime

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you ignore. theze things i to rememmber, i'll forget othewize...

1) skin>fat = 0>7, 0>4, 0>11, 1>0, 0>7. or some rough shiit like taht. FAT B!

2) fake fak yr own death co. "for one final payment, you can kill yrself without the parental guilt! keep their hope alive while you rot undiscovered mother!" RICHnesses! mmmmoney skorre! work on yr penmenship. re:courtney backpack sheet. what was she up to kurt?

3) dont cough when rolling fag you fag! tabsybacco everwheer now! assdumb pubeitch!

4) whiskey dont cure the lonely but buy more anyway
5) london 21. dont buy drugs. sell the craves.

6) shit be cold. use blankeys instead of jacob breath

7) most people are asleepying at 4am. dont text them. its rude.

8) drink more whiskey now. okay!

people who hate me this year:

• barry (although seems undecided)
  
• owen

don't care. my list is longer. i win! (i guess)...

LIGHTNING BOLT ARE RUBBISH. that fucking tank are cooooool. i wanna hang with ross n jayfray more. BEN KEEPS DISAPPEARING! it makes me feel i'm a horrible friend.

i need more whiskey. but Best can fackoff. so can this 9am rain.

i miss the people who are at ATP or wayaways on tour. my tummytums hurt. hope theres no more blood in my poopoo! lets go see....