even when doing the best thing (for me) i feel that harsh guilt like i've really caused something bad to happen and wanting to take it all back for fear it's not the best thing (for her) afterall. but it's too late. every choice i make is too late. or one i cannot reverse. and it always effects the people i give a fuck about most. i always discover the lies, but never from the source.

"i love you"

"i'm sorry"

words i only hear when something is wanted from me, and never just forgiveness.

FUCK OFF

does ANYONE have a grip?? i'm better off alone. i'm better off unfeeling. i would selfishly trade for something else. i so easily fall back into old methods. and all the while, look around at other people and wonder.. what the fuck are you doing??!