another wrong road

cotton to eyes
regret from ears
shadow to mouth

i will never return
i don't wish to ever try again

october 31st = me one year clean
to say sober would be a false claim
perhaps a year without boozing and smoking would be something more to be proud of.
the frusciante challenge: try a year without toxics. see if you feel better.
heh. 'a fall thru the ground' just got skipped "understand me" three times repeat.
SOMETHINGS are just coincidence.

thinking of death all the time
not always morbidly.
i want to go when things feel complete.
no overhang.
halloween would be a nice, fitting date to go.
how many years will it take to be ready?

remove all negativity.

doing things i know will hold nothing
wasting time, wasting money, wasting a day
there's a lot more evil in this world than we care to notice

i can admit to being an ass without taking pride
or taking advantage of others

i have been far too passive

oh emma stone from zombieland

i would like to buy you cookies
and stare at you shyly

i bet you date jerks

adulthood is far weirder than childhood
and we all need more protection now

oct 2009 repost

"it's the strangest thing to sit with someone or look them in the eye and realize that one day they will be untouchable, by death or by distance."

so so fucking so true fucking ugh

SPV entry #1

been crap at getting my SPV log started. many behind....

09/06/11:

nothing happens for a few minutes but i can't close my eyes again. then a white creepy little head - no bigger than a hand - no hair, black eyes and a beaked mouth, peers over my monitor at me and drops back behind it.

position: left
freaky score: 8
wtf score: 6
sleep continued: eventually

15/06/11:

two green orbs collide together to make three red orbs which float up through the ceiling.

position: back
freaky score: 1
wtf score: 1
sleep continued: yes

18/06/11:

dark figure standing at the end of the bed with its back to me. slowly glides down by my side. sudden body turn towards me [its face still unclear]. wheezy voice in my ear "take them back". glides back up to its original position, then fades through the wall. buzzing sound throughout.

position: back
freaky score: 8.5
wtf score: 8.5
sleep continued: no

19/06/11:

big red door on my wall. slowly creaks open, then fades away.

position: left
freaky score: 1
wtf score: 7
sleep continued: tbc

as i no longer seem to guzzle the whiskeys and spill my grumpbrain this blog may as well be about my sleep paralysis experiences. they're becoming far more frequent and i don't know the cause. they can happen going to sleep drunk/sober, early/late, stressed/relaxed. there's no trigger. they used to only happen if i fell asleep on my back. that doesn't matter anymore. i'll write what i remember. some will be long, some short. some from the past, if i can remember them clearly enough. some boring, some fucked. but i'm no mood to start writing now.

the things i would like to do today
are to put on a clean pair of socks (matching or unmatched)
and continue to drink

i don't feel this will be a very talkative day
or a time to listen

its a great thing to be drunk enough to finally cry
for all the supid things i have ever done
and want to be back doing them all again
except for one
maybe two
i'll decide when i'm sober